In the midst of an unusually busy week we had MOPS. Did you miss it? Do you remember it? :) That’s how I’m feeling tonight, recovering from the insanity, I mean joy, of decorating for Christmas, enjoying Thanksgiving festivities, combing the Internet for deals on gifts, and still battling sickness in our house. Our MOPS meeting from last week feels more like last year!
Before we even got to hear from our speaker, we had an ice breaker activity to help us meet the other MOPS moms in our neighborhood. In the adjoining room, we created a “map” of the neighborhoods and cities near Westgate Chapel and asked each mom to stand where she lives and meet her three closest neighbors. I loved seeing where everyone lives and getting to meet moms who aren’t at my table, but nearby.
This activity tied in so nicely to our speaker for the day, Brenda Vladyko, and her talk on Friendship: The Importance of Living in Community. Brenda covered a number of different issues about friendship, but since I only took notes on the ideas that struck me, I apologize for a very slanted recap this time. She began talking about how difficult it can be to make friends as adults, especially if you are not living in the area you grew up in. She likened finding friends to dating, which I thought was so hilarious and true. She continued to describe the difficulties us moms have in friendships, because not only are we looking for other women we enjoy spending time with, but then there is also the dynamic of our children and how they get along, and do our parenting styles correlate enough to be friends with our children around too. That’s why MOPS is such a great platform for building community and finding those women that we can make friendships with that last beyond our MOPS table group or beyond a playdate at the park.
Once you are ready to make new friends, Brenda’s best advice is to remember to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable is hard, because it’s not always pretty and can leave you open to hurt. Just thinking about my own friendships, the women that have showed me they don’t have it all figured out are the women I want to spend more time with. It’s intimidating to be friends with someone who seems perfect. This advice was a good reminder because with all of our social media it is so easy to hide ourselves and put out an image that doesn’t reflect who we truly are.
The last topic about friendships that Brenda covered was that not all friendships are meant to be bffs. There will be women in your life that you will create friendships with that will survive time, distance, family dynamics and all sorts of other situations. Hold on to those friendships and cherish them. But some friendships are specifically created for a season of your life. Especially while we are “in the trenches” of mothering young children, sometimes a friendship will happen very quickly and deeply. This friendship is new and exciting, but also feels like you have been friends forever. When the day comes that someone moves, or commitments draw you in other directions, that super close friendship will fade. As tough as times like these can be, they help us through seasons in our own lives and help us move on too. I also appreciate the idea that the I don’t have to be best friends with all the women I meet, and it’s okay when I am not close friends with some women anymore.
So many great reminders Brenda shared with us about being in community with one another and developing friendships. I hope this crazy, busy holiday season is also a season of cultivating new friendships in your own lives.
--Kristine Manz
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