Owning your Story

Like most moms, over the years I have struggled with the tendency to compare myself to other moms.  Here are other moms that I have compared myself to:  moms who have high-powered careers and still manage to raise great kids, moms who have kids really close together in age and have not run away, strangled one of them or been committed to a mental hospital, moms who feed their kids only organic, locally grown food, moms who are in incredible shape, moms who voluntarily travel a lot with their kids, moms who get cranky less often with their family than I do…. 

That’s quite a list!  And that doesn’t even include everything!  I don’t think I’m alone in engaging in this practice, though.  All moms do it at some point, even if we try not to and know that it’s destructive. 

I struggled with comparisons most mightily during the first few years of my son’s life, when I hadn’t yet gained confidence in my own mothering style or in God’s unique plan for my life.  I agonized over the decision of whether to work outside the home after my son was born, with how much to work, with what type of work to do, etc.  I constantly compared myself to moms who had both high-powered careers and great kids.  I repeatedly asked myself things like:  What is wrong with me?  Why can’t I do what they are doing?  Why do I feel so exhausted and unfulfilled?  Why can’t I just pull it together and do what everyone else is doing? 

It took two years of this to realize that maybe God had a different plan for my life.  Maybe God created me with a unique personality, with unique gifts, with unique circumstances and with a unique story to live.  Eventually I quit my job to stay home full time and I could not be happier.  I am grateful every single day that I had this choice and that I took the plunge.  I've learned that I’m happiest when I can do a few things really well, rather than being spread too thin.  I've learned that having a career is not the only way that I can reach my potential and use my gifts.  I've learned that my path is mine alone, that it is no better or worse than anybody else’s, and that living this unique path leads to joy and fulfillment.

None of this is to say that I think other moms’ lives should look the way that mine does.  God made each of us a particular way, with a particular plan, and with unique talents and gifts.  To compare ourselves to others is to wish that God made us differently.  As Romans 12:6 states, “We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us.”  Romans further instructs, “If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.”

We were made the way we are for a reason.  God loves us exactly the way we are.  So, find your gifts.  Own your story.  Embrace the unique person that you are instead of wishing that you were made some other way.  This, I think, is what God wants for all of us. 

--Emily Fountain